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Fitness

Review - Thar Their Omega Blows by Lorelei M. Hart

This is the first review under my new website and name! I'm still the same Lady Jaguar/Jayne Lockwood/Deliciously Dark Romance, but the site has had a facelift. I hope you like it.


Now to the review...

I am entirely to blame for this. I can't really point the finger at anyone else. I saw the cover in 2018 and eyed it suspiciously. Then I ran it past a couple of gay friends who said it gave them a "dick twitch," so I thought, HOW BAD CAN IT BE?


Then I forgot about it. Until now, when this stressful summer has resulted in me committing the literary equivalent of self harm with some truly awful books. I'm not even going to start on the Hucow one. Anyway...


If this had been a small-time indie author like myself, I would have quietly put the book away, deleted it off my Kindle Unlimited and not said another word, but this is a USA Today Bestselling Author team, y'all, so frankly, all bets are off.


Not my favourite genre but that isn't the problem


Heads up, this book has confirmed in my mind that mpreg, Alpha/omega fiction is NOT for me. I gave it a go but ... no. And that isn't why I've rated it so low. If it isn't my jam, I don't punish the book. End of.


But man alive, this tested my patience...


Is it well-written? Well, the swashbuckling world is convincing, and there isn't much cheesy pirate-speak, despite that title. When I first saw it, I thought it was a parody at first. Then I prayed it was a parody. Turns out, it isn't...


The world is historical so they talk in a convincingly authentic way. So far, so good, but this is a world of Alphas and Omega men, and women don't feature at all. Apart from one, who is a silly bitch who is humiliated when she falls into a sewer. Nice. And she's only there to show what a hero the Omega, Barros, is at the beginning.


Barros is running from his brutal stepfather and escapes aboard the Crimson Pearl, where sexy Alpha mates, First Mate (sic) Ambrose and Captain Hector, realise he is the Omega mate they have been waiting for. There is a plot of sorts with Ambrose chasing the vile Captain Blud over the high seas, hell-bent on revenge, but he's dispatched in a perfunctory manner.


"Thick, long whore pipe..."


But then, oh no! They have strayed into the Omega Triangle, where Omegas immediately go on "heat" and the whole crew is overtaken by lust! Several 'babes are in bellies' by the time they stagger out of it, and the pirates decide they must buy a village to give the children a stable home. Which they do. Sweet.


I'm not sure where to start with this. The writing staggers from careless to truly confounding. See, "thick, long whore pipe." Inconvenient plot points are cast aside in a few short sentences (like Captain Blud's hasty demise.) There's no build-up of sexual tension (and that's why we're all here, right? To see the Omega get his propers from the two husky pirates?) None of that, or any preparation for the virgin Barros, who within a few pages is taking two men up his jacksy at once like a hot-damned professional. WITHOUT LUBE.


I mean, they did have lube in those times, surely. Tallow? Olive oil? Butter? And the passion that comes with fated mates is completely missing. There's no chemistry between the characters at all. The whole book felt colourless and lazy. I expected more from USA Today Bestselling Authors, frankly, starting with, oh, I don't know, how to write a sex scene with more porn than yawn? As for the knotting, it wasn't worth mentioning in the blurb. Let's just say that.


Magic milk and Shawshank vibes


If you're going to write mpreg, it has to feel authentic, right? You can't just magic up a "slick," hole. Where's that slickness coming from, huh? They've written the Omega as a woman, getting wet when he's excited, able to have and feed a baby with milk. But he isn't trans. He's a cisgender male with magical female abilities. I NEED ANSWERS.


I guess mpreg just isn't for me. I ask too many questions. Like, Barros is pushing and pushing to get this baby out, which he (of course it's a he) does, smelling sweet and gorgeous. But... wouldn't he smell like Andy Dufresne did after climbing through the sewage pipe in Shawshank Redemption? And where's the milk coming from? Or is that magic too and we just have to believe that cisgender Omegas can breastfeed?


Well, I read this at my own risk and I suggest you do too. You may love it. If you do, I won't judge, but my take is that this kind of lazy-assed fiction isn't doing anyone any favours.


They thought the Omega Triangle was just a pirate myth. They were wrong.


Omega Barros’s life as a farmer is all he’s ever known. When his father accepts an omega price from an alpha with a black heart, Barros does what any smart omega would do—he runs away and joins the crew of the Crimson Pearl.


Alpha Hector, captain of the Crimson Pearl is feared by across the world. He is ruthless and always claims his bounty. Among his crew, he is respected and their loyalty well earned. But he has a secret shared only with his sexy first mate—he is of noble blood, a tragedy set him on the path he now walks, and his thirst for vengeance fuels every voyage. Until Barros arrives on the ship, he can see no further than that end.


Alpha Ambrose is devoted to his beloved Captain and loves fighting at his side, but longs for an omega and babies to make them a real family. Barros is the omega they need, but their life of danger is not right for a family...or is it?


Thar Their Omega Blows is an mmm non-shifter romance with two hot alpha pirates, an innocent yet adventurous omega, an Omega Triangle-induced knotty heat, and a sweet baby born on the high seas. Thar Their Omega Blows is part of an Omega Triangle shared world where each book stands alone and has a guaranteed HEA.

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